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Watermelon Fiasco by: Wolfrunner There was a gathering at Conor Byrne's Pub this fine St. Patrick's Day eve. It was a good night. The beer was flowin', the voices raised high in a multitude of Irish blessings and the lassies were fair and plenty. Sam sat himself down at a round, battered old table scarred by years of mug banging, cigarette burns and general misuse. Surveying the mix of grand folk, he ordered himself a mug of Killian's Red. Once in his hand, he took a hardy gulp and swallowed the fine brew. He brushed the wet from his lips with the back of his hand, took another swallow and set the mug on the table. It would be a night of tale-telling and he was ready to add his own story to the mix. Bursting through the door came Jimmy O'Reilly, Big Toots Gifano, Frankie Shaughnessy and Little Louie Nolan. They were robust fellows with a taste for the beer, a lust for the lassies and an edge just waiting to be tested. They were thick as thieves and always out for a good time. "Hey, and it's a grand evening all," came the roar from Frankie Shaughnessy as he sauntered up to the old mahogany bar. "Pour me a Bushmills," he growled while making an ok sign with one hand and tapping the bar with the other "I see ya got a taste for the good stuff," Kerri Callaghan shouted back referring to the request for the famous 10-year old malt whiskey. "And don't ya know it lass, so let's get it here quick!" Everyone looked at Frankie. Shaking their heads, they all knew indeed that the evening would be one to remember. Sam, took another pull on his Kilians and waved to Little Louie Nolan. Little Louie broke from Big Toot's clutches and shuffled over to Sam's table. "And how is the world treatin' ya, Louie?" Sam inquired of his friend. Well, na na na not ta ta ta too bad," Louis sputtered out. Louie's speech problem was not the usual stuttering speech of one born with it, but had acquired it during the aftermath of the watermelon incident from Big Toots Gifano who took a flowerpot from his mother's window sill and saw fit to cap Louie's head with it. It didn't put Louie down but it affected his speech after that. Big Toots always felt bad after hitting Louie so was determined to be the protector of this poor soul. "Looks to be a promising night here," said Sam as he finished the last of his mug. "I I I I ga ga guess sa sa sa so," Louie answered. "I'm ga ga ga gonna ga ga go get me a da da da drink." And with that said, Little Louie Nolan walked back to join his three friends. Sam watched the four guys as they gathered at the bar. They had all grown up together...Frankie, Little Louie, Big Toots and Jimmy O'Reilly. They were known as the "4-Leaf Clovers." There was not much they hadn't done nor didn't dare to do; getting their name from Sean Cassidy, the town Chief of Police because when one got in trouble the other three weren't far behind. One time Big Toots decided it was time to pick off one of the big watermelons in front of Reitz's Market. Old man Reitz prided himself on his watermelons which were grown in his garden behind the store. During the summer he would always wash and shine them, carefully place them in the bin out in front then gently pat them before going back inside. Several of the townsfolk at one time or another had purchased one of the famous melons. Everyone except Big Toot's family. They were too poor and old man Reitz was not generous. Every day Big Toots, Jimmy, Little Louie and Frankie would walk by the market on their way to and from school. Big Toots had had enough. By gosh he was going to get a watermelon for them. So, he devised a plan. His father had some big railroad spikes in the garage, and he would need some fishing line. Little Louie agreed to get the line and Frankie, Little Louie and Jimmy would entertain old man Seitz while Big Toots got the melon. The big day arrived. It was Friday. A great summer day and the watermelons were shined and ready. "We'll wait till later when it starts to get busy," Big Toots told the other three. "Then when I say so, you guys go inside, keep the old man busy and I'll spike a watermelon. Then I can drag it off the bin and around the corner." The plan was in place. They were hyped and ready. Big Toots tied the fishing line around the jagged edge of the spike testing it several times in the ground to be sure it held. It did. Together, they walked down to Reitz' Market. People were coming and going buying their Friday night fish and vegetables. It would be a good time to pull such a stunt. Little Louie, Frankie and Jimmy went into the store while Big Toots quickly drove the railroad spike into a choice watermelon. He walked away from the bin letting the fishing line fall behind him and onto the ground so it would not be noticeable. "They would all be eating watermelon tonight," he muttered to himself. After checking the alley, and sure there were no witnesses, Big Toots began to gently tug on the fishing line. Reeling it in, he began to feel resistance at the other end...assurance that the watermelon was just a short pull away. He pulled gently at first. The line became taut but did not move. He pulled again. Nothing. Again...nothing. Giving it a quick tug, he felt some movement at the other end. "At last," he thought to himself, wiping the beads of sweat off his face. Ever so carefully he began to reel in the watermelon. Inch by inch. Looking up, he saw Little Louie, Frankie and Jimmy out in front of him waving their hands. Thinking that they were just motioning him on and that everything was alright, he continued to reel in the prize. Jimmy, Little Louie and Frankie stepped backwards just in time for Big Toots to look up and see that the watermelon he thought he had was instead old man Reitz who was by this time holding the big spike in his hand. Big Toots dropped the fishing line but couldn't escape the grasp of the old man as he reached out and grabbed his shirt. Big Toots gave the old man a song and dance story. Old man Reitz called the Chief of Police and the four boys were hauled down to the precinct where Mr. Gifano was waiting. When he saw his son coming through the doors of the police station, Mr. Gifano rose, walked over to Big Toots and whacked him upside the head. Big Toots started to cry and the other boys quietly awaited their fathers and their fate. Mr. Gifano and the Chief walked off together and spent a few minutes talking. When he returned, he took his son by the arm and shuffled him out the doors leaving the other three behind. After Jimmy's, Little Louie's and Frankie's fathers arrived and meted out the usual smacks, they all left the station and headed home. They would have to pass Reitz' Market on the way. One by one, the fathers strolled by, their sons in tow and to their amazement, there was Big Toots with a white apron on, a cloth in one hand and he was polishing the watermelons with Mr. Reitz standing guard behind him. Little Louie couldn't help it. He burst out laughing which caused the other two to follow suit. Big Toots looked up in time to see Little Louie pointing and laughing. It was later that evening after the market closed that Big Toots called Little Louie over to this house and after inquiring as to what was funny, grabbed the big flower pot that held his mother's favorite wax begonias and struck Little Louie breaking the pot over his head. The doctors could not explain the stuttering after that incident. There was no medical reason for it but somehow, it happened and that's how Big Toots became Little Louie's protector. Sam waved to the waitress who responded by bringing over another mug. Thanking her, he kicked back, leaning his chair against the wall. Looking around at the gang that had gathered, he felt good. He lifted his mug with a gesture toward Frankie Shaughnessy who was waving his Bushmills in return. Taking a big gulp of his brew, he settled in...ready to enjoy the night.
NOTE: I have a friend whom I call Sam and he's very much Irish. He gave me the name of the Bushmills that I have used in this story and being Irish and St. Patrick's Day, this is how I came to write this story. There is some truth in it as my husband once told me about how someone had tried to spike a watermelon from the market on Broad Street. While the characters are mine...the story is built around some fact. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed reading it. ~wolfrunner~
Watermelon Man midi by Herbie Hancock  |
